Forager

Forager: Field Notes for Surviving a Family Cult by Michelle Dowd

Dowd writes her own story as she experienced it. And what a powerful thing it is.

Much of this book is from the perspective of a child, as if you were walking through her memories with her. She doesn't give any extra insight until she starts to break free of her family system towards the end, and I feel it really works for portraying the fact that her entire childhood is lived in survival mode. Not only surviving abuse and neglect from her immediate family, but also growing up as a member of The Field, a religious cult founded by her grandfather. 

And in spite of all that hardship, the book manages to carry a sense of wonder, particularly for the natural world. You can feel how Dowd respects her mother's skill as a naturalist, and has inherited that love of nature and the pride in her own ability to forage. Sharing the plants and their uses at the beginning of each chapter is not only interesting, but it's a brilliant way of providing something natural and grounding to the reader as Dowd walks us through memories from a particularly difficult childhood. 

Fans of Educated by Tara Westover will like this book. It's also excellent for anyone who loves nature and its ability to provide, for those who've felt a little lost or unmoored by elements out of their control, and for anyone who's had to break free.

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Now . . . I don't often do this, but I'm adding more to this review here on my blog than I have up on the official book sites. And that's because this was a deeply personal read for me. I was also raised as a member of the Field. I was born the year after Dowd left. My immediate family unit was safe and loving, and things had very slowly begun to evolve within the organization by the time I left at age 18, but even so I feel a sort of kinship with Dowd I may have no right to claim. Where her refuge was the natural world, mine was books. There are many of my own experiences from my time within the organization that resonated as I was reading her story. She does an amazing job balancing those painful truths with empathy.

I am exceptionally grateful to Dowd for writing this book. The fact that it simply exists is a validation I didn't know I needed, and never dreamed of seeing. Reading it offered me a long-awaited catharsis. It felt like coming home, and like healing. At times that healing was more like lancing a wound to let the foulness out, and at times it was hopeful, like finally being able to breathe deeply and freely. Sharing our stories can be so powerful. 

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"Maybe our sisterhood is dangerous because if we protect each other, we'll stop doing what they say." 

"Writing is a way of loving things." 

"What you bury grows."

"It's easy to mistake chaos for aliveness."